Am I Good Enough to be a Therapist?

Update

While I was slated to attend NYU’s Silver School of Social Work last fall, I decided to not move forward with this plan. I foolishly applied to only this school. And when push came to shove, I wasn’t willing to take on the financial burden of an NYU education without being sure about the path I was on.

Burning Questions…

I wrestled with this decision for months but ultimately decided that this was not the path that I needed to travel. But questions still remained. Will I fulfill my dream of becoming a therapist? Is this dream even possible due to my conditions? Am I compassionate enough? Am I personable enough? Could I ever become the therapist someone would want to have?

To this I’d say of course absolutely, YES. But the past months I’ve thought this over repeatedly and I still have doubts. But as I wrestle with these thoughts, I continuously find myself coming to the same conclusions. However I hope my transparency can be helpful to others considering this path.

I wonder if carrying the weight of other’s traumas and pain will only exacerbate mine. I wonder if I have the right temperament. Can I create a warm and safe environment that other therapists of my past made for me, that allowed for candor and healing to take place?

Being Honest

I’ve never believed that I was much of a conversationalist. While I enjoy occasional long, deep conversation, struggling through small talk and finding the right words to say makes me dread conversation. And doing this with strangers often worsens my anxieties. I often envied the ease with which friends and family members could strike up conversations with people we’d just met or hadn’t seen in a while.

I always felt that I didn’t have that “it” factor that would draw people to me, a factor I’ve witnessed in many others that are close to me. So, what if I have trouble hitting my stride with leading discussions? Can I develop these skills overtime through training? How would I be able to click with potential clients? What if I’m not likable enough? Does being a therapist require something that’s purely innate and can’t be taught/learned?

Otis’ Journey

Funny enough watching the latest season of the Netflix’s show Sex Education was truly illuminating for me as I thought about my own feelings around my personal venture into therapy. The show centers on a young British teenage boy named Otis, who albeit a bit awkward, shows a clear knack for advising his peers on all things sex education, wellness, and relationships.

Although Otis isn’t popular or revered by his classmates, students from all backgrounds and walks of life come to him for advice. He has a way of addressing taboo subjects with attentive ears and a deepened understanding of human behaviors, desires and sentiments that is far beyond his years. He easily drops gems to his “clients” who are his fellow classmates, or sometimes even the adults in his life. He’s the type of person that you could say was born to be a therapist with an aspirational natural gift.

The innate ability he has is clearly inherited as his mother is a phenomenal therapist with her own thriving practice. So why do I point to this example to further my point that innate talent is not all you need to become a good therapist?

A major arch and theme of this show is the fact that Otis, has his doubts about the services he’s providing to his students. He has a natural skill and inclination towards therapy and cares deeply about the topics he addresses. He feels a moral obligation to share honest, informed, and thoughtful perspectives with his fellow classmates. Yet others often have to remind him of his gift or even coax him into delivering his services.

Realization

He even halts his sex clinic business because ethics aside, he doesn’t feel like he can do it without his friend and crush Maeve. He lacked the confidence even though the drive and innate ability was there. This is why I believe and know that self-belief and confidence paired innate ability and acting in good faith can propel you towards your dreams. 

While I have my personal doubts, worries and fears, I know that I’m drawn to this work for whatever reason, so why not give myself a shot? While I’m aware of things that may not make me the best therapist, self-awareness, and conscious efforts to better those traits can work in my favor.

What Drives Me

I wouldn’t be the person I am today if not for my first therapist, a black woman who saw me. Feeling seen, heard, and valued at one of the lowest points of my life was critical to my self-development and growth. That’s been the driving force for me from then on. I may not yet be the person that my first therapist was for me, grounding, supportive and always knowing what to say. But its my hope that through training and education, I can one day be the light and support she was to me for others. And even beyond clinical practice, I hope to make an impact through social work.

Next Steps

I’ve decided that as of today I am ready to take these next steps. I will be restarting the graduate school application process with the knowledge I gained from my first round of applying. I’m grateful for all that first round taught me. I’m grateful for the fact that my best friend is at the tail end of her graduate school journey and can advise and support me through the process. And I’m grateful that now I can see my future and that it’s bright.

I’m grateful that after all this time I took off to really think this through, I’ve concluded that this is still what I need to pursue. Regardless of the nagging voices from within and surrounding me telling me I won’t make enough money, or this career isn’t prestigious enough, I know that with this master’s degree, my options will be limitless. 

In Conclusion…

With or without a degree, I will continue my mission of mental health advocacy, whatever I can offer, even if it’s a small drop in a giant bucket. I want to contribute to the conversation in any way that I’m able/qualified to.